I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
