you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
