"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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