i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
