shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
