Barsexuality is the new black.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
