38 yer olds are good kisserssss
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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