smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
