Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
