they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
