I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
