Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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