trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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