my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
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So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
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they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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