I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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