If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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