Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
