Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
