Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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