shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
