It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you had me at cake vodka
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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