I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
