so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
