I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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