I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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