WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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