We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
