textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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