We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
