don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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