I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
