I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
