C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
