Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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