Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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