I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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