I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Dicks are not precious.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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