I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
