dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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