I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
