I heard we made out
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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