i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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