Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
