party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
