Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
