The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
