another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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