Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
