Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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