I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
