People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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