But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
