weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
