You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
