She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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