Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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