he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
