no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
