i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
