this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
