you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
