Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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