It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
