He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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