So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
