Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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