I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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