Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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