my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
