i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
