It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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